Last Girl Standing (part 2)

So, you realize that maybe "Bistro" is not the place for you. You still want to go out and have a good time and maybe meet that someone special. So, what do you do? Where do you go? Well, if you're over a certain age, you might consider going to "the Hilton". If you do, here are some rules you should abide by.

One, it doesn't matter how thin, blonde and tanned you are, nothing gets a guy over to talk to you faster than you having a full drink in front of you (preferably one you bought yourself). That's right, a woman standing near a bar with nothing or worse, an empty glass in your hand is like kryptonite to most men. "Oh, oh" they think, "She doesn't have a drink, better stay away from her or she might expect me to buy one for her."

Now, you might be thinking, "Hey, I spent all this time and money getting myself ready to go here, someone should at least show their appreciation by buying me a drink." You may be correct, but you will also be thirsty if you continue along with that thought in your head. If you plan on going to a place like this, make sure you have plenty of money with you, or make sure you really, really, really like classic disco, cause that's it. You can drink you can dance to classic disco or you can stand in the corner wondering how long you have to stay there till you can go home and wash the make-up off and take off those boots that are killing your feet.

Let's assume you decide to stay and buy yourself that drink. Now, all bets are off someone will come and talk to you. It won't be anyone you might have chosen for yourself. (No, those men are there with their wives who are already giving you dirty looks for showing up in the first place.) He will probably, again, be much older than you and will never hear what you are trying to say back to him if he does engage you in conversation. Your best bet is to smile, laugh every 30 seconds or so and keep your eye out for the next one. Yes, keep your eye out, cause you know he's doing the same, which brings me to my next point.

You've decided that maybe he's harmless and instead of standing there while he nervously glances at the amount of drink left in your glass, that you will go dance with him instead. You assume his dance moves haven't been updated since Reagan was in office and you are correct. So you paste a smile on your face and dance with him since you feel a little bad for him. You think, "wow with moves like that and as cheap as he is, who's going to dance with him?" Well, there you are wrong, because, what do you know? he's now dancing with someone else and you are left standing there thinking "what the hell just happened?" You leave the dance floor feeling confused and slightly insulted and just when you think, "now I can call it a night" he comes back over to you as if nothing has happened.

He sees you still have some of your drink left so he decides to engage you in more conversation. You then notice he spits when he talks and has bad breath. So, you do the only thing you can do in this situation. You finish your drink in one glup and smile at him expectantly while jiggling the ice in your glass. He takes the hint and suddenly sees someone he must talk to on the other side of the room. You decide to go find your friend, you know the one friend who managed to find the only guy in the place willing to buy her (not you let's not get crazy) a drink. You tell her you're going home, since you got stuck driving (when is her car getting out of the shop again). She tells you she plans on staying and will get a ride home with grandpa, I mean the friend she's talking to. You figure he looks harmless enough and head home for the night.

While washing your face and pulling off those boots, you think to yourself, "ah, try again next week." You are, if nothing else, optimistic and will be the Last Girl Standing.