What do you mean my phone won't make toast?

I looked at my cell phone bill the other day and I was shocked to find it was $185. That's insane!! I am a middle aged woman, not a teenage girl, there is no reason on earth my bill should be that high. Then, I got on the phone with the cell phone company where a very nice man from India explained to me that my cell phone bill is correct. Ashamed and slightly embarrassed, I got off the phone.



This shame got me to thinking about the day I first purchased my i-phone. I remember thinking that you needed a college degree to operate this phone, or at least a degree that I didn't have. I thought, "this is crazy, why do I need so many pages of instructions just to make a @#@#$&^ call?!?!" Now, after looking at my bill, my regret is that the instruction book should be longer.



Think about it, your phone makes and receives calls big deal. Maybe your phone enables you to receive and send email, big deal. I think for that amount of money cell phones should be able to do a lot more. Here are some things I want my new cell phone to do.



1. call people for me. you know those people you have to call but really have no interest in talking to? You know, your mother, your cousin your neighbor? The phone would call this person for you and talk to this person just as if you were there. I know that sometimes these are important calls, but really after working all day, I don't even want to talk to myself, let alone anyone else.

2. Do your taxes and send them out. I've had my taxes done for at least a week now and still haven't sent them out. Yes, I've heard of e-filing and no for reasons that are too painful to mention, I just can't do it. So, if I could get my phone to do it, that'd be great.

3. Get someone in to clean my house. I keep hoping magical elves will do my laundry for me by the time I get home, I mean I've eaten enough Lucky Charms, I feel I'm owed. Yet, sorry to say, when I get home the damn laundry is still there waiting for me. So, if my phone could figure all that out, I'd be so happy.

4. Drive me to work. Yes, I know that sounds dangerous, but with technology today I would so trust it if it meant getting a few minutes more sleep.

5. Pay my bills, balance my checkbook and mail out those letters I keep meaning to mail. I'm sure there's some app on it that'll do it if I tell it to, but with the amount of money I pay a month for this damn phone, it should know by now.

So, as you can see, I want a lot from my phone. If I'm paying then I should expect more. If it can't do any of the above than a piece of toast every now and then would be nice.

That's what I learned today.