Then what?

Have you ever been in a supermarket or any public place really and heard a mother say to her kid, "If you don't stop___________, you're gonna get it" Did you ever wonder what "it" was? I know I have. Now I'm not rude enough to ask that mother what the "it" was, but I've always wanted to know, what happens next?





This story isin't about kids per se, it's more about that eternal question, "then what?"





I'll give you a for instance. Let's say you realize one day that you don't love your husband anymore and you want a divorce. Then you tell him this and ask him to leave. What happens when he says, "no"? Or, what happens when you tell a kid to stop doing whatever bad thing he was doing and he tells you "no". What do you do then?





I think this question doesn't get answered because, in the interests of self-preservation, we find ways around it. Maybe we don't ask the questions, because we know what the answer will be and we don't have an answer to "then what".



I think what bothers me most about the "then what" question is that people get annoyed if you bring it up. I had a friend once, I'll call her "Matty" every year around January, she would tell me she's leaving her husband. She was so sure, yet I knew she was full of it and as soon as the snow melted, it would be business as usual. (Her husband worked for the Sanitation Dept. and was never home during the winter.)



I used to go along with it to make her feel better but one year I had had enough. So, I told her, "You're leaving Jim? Good idea. Now where will you go? Do you want me to help you look for an apartment? I know a great moving company I'll give you the number. What days of the week do you plan on letting him see Kelly (their daughter)?" I knew she was full of it, but I figured if she was so sure, she'd have all the answers. All of a sudden, she didn't have much to say.



Maybe it was cruel of me, but if she'd only said, "it bothers me he works so much, I wish he were home." I would've understood and been supportive. But if you're going to act like you know "what next" then you better be prepared to share it with the rest of us.



Matty and I are no longer friends, maybe it was that, maybe something else. I'll never know but I know one thing for sure, she still doesn't know "then what"?



So, in conclusion, maybe we don't have all the answers but we should be honest enough to admit we don't and move from there and not pretend there is no "then what"



That's what I learned today.