Thank you Tiger Woods

I read in the paper today that Tiger Woods is going back to playing golf again professionally. I have to tell you, I was a little sad to hear it. No matter how sad I was, I knew he gave me and the country a great gift and I for one am thankful.

Let me start by saying I have no interest whatsoever in golf. My husband loves watching it on tv, God forbid he'd actually go out and play it. I however, would rather watch paint dry. No, you see my debt of gratitude towards TIger Woods has nothing to do with golf.

Every morning before I go to work, I buy the newspapers to read in my car, it's just what I do, don't judge me. Anyway, the stories of late have been pretty depressing, unemployment, recession and the like. Every where you look are stories of people losing their houses, jobs and hope. I'm lucky, I guess I have a home and a job. However, it was pretty damn depressing to go into a job, which can be pretty damn depressing too, after reading all of these stories. Then, one day around Thanksgiving magic happened.

Tiger Woods had gotten into a car accident near his home. I didn't much care, as long as he was all right, I mean people get into accidents every day no? Then, the stories started coming out. Every "hoo-er" from across the country started saying they were sleeping with Tiger Woods. Now, I thought, things are getting interesting. These women had no shame whatsoever in talking about the personal details of their sex lives. Now, if you'd ask them if they had cellulite, I'm sure they would've clammed up fast. They had, like I said, no problem talking about all the sex they were having, the kinkier the better.

All of a sudden, I noticed that all the doom and gloom that was usually front page news now had been pushed back in favor of Tiger Woods and all his "hoo-ers". I was thrilled. Now instead of going in to work thinking about all those poor people, I could now keep a running total of how many women Tiger slept with. (I found out later that keeping the list was unnecessary, the Post had done it for me, cool)

Then of course there was poor Elin, the scorned wife. Would she leave him? How much would she get? I was dying to know. My winter had suddenly taken on a purpose.

Now, Spring is here and all good things must come to an end. Tiger is back with his wife, he's playing golf again and I'm left with nothing good to read about in the papers in the morning. Oh well, anyone know how long until "Jersey Shore" starts up again?

That's what I learned today.