The "Holiday Sweater vs. Mother of the Bride" smackdown

Today, I went out to eat with my mother for Mother's Day. While waiting 2 hours for cold food, I started to notice what other women were wearing. In all of the uncomfortable pauses that come with waiting 2 hours for your food, I formulated this theory. When it comes to getting dressed to go out, there are two kinds of women: Holiday Sweater and Mother of the Bride. Please, allow me to explain.

First up is Holiday Sweater. This woman believes all you need to do to get dressed up is wear one thing that is shiny or has some type of decoration on it. My mother, bless her heart, falls into this category. She never goes out without some type of insect or animal embroidered on her clothing. This type of woman will go to a party in the summer wearing shorts and shiny flip flops, and consider herself dressed. She is the type of woman that would rather be there then be dressed to get there. Her key word is comfort. As long as she's comfortable in what she's wearing, she's happy. She looks upon mother of the bride with a mixture of confusion and pity. A look that seems to say, "What on earth were you thinking?!? Can you even stand in those shoes? Who wears a girdle to Charlie Brown's? I used to be Holiday Sweater. Her only competition is, you guessed it, mother of the bride.

Mother of the bride is an entirely different animal. Mother of the bride spends at least an hour getting ready, no matter where she's going. If she wants to wear her evening gown to Charlie Brown's Steakhouse, no one is going to tell her no. She's the type of woman who spends an hour getting dressed and made up to go to the supermarket. Any night out is an excuse for her to get as gussied up as she can and pile on what she can so everyone can notice the time and effort she's spent getting ready. Her motto is, "If it's comfortable, it's probably boring". She looks at Holiday Sweater and thinks, "Didn't your mother ever teach you how to dress? Not every place is the beach." As you can imagine, while these two smile at each other and wish them well, deep down they just don't get it.

Like I said before, I used to be holiday sweater. Now I am a proud member of the "Mother of the Bride" party. If I could find a dress that shoots fireworks out of it, I'd probably buy it. I almost bought a pair of 5 inch heels today, but alas they didn't have my size. I thought about squeezing into them anyway, but in all honesty, I didn't want to give holiday sweater any more to talk about.

So, now that you know what I am, what are you?

That's what I learned today.